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This year represents a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the idea that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the words this generation is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reply is interested or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding mystery and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral habits indicating a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks validate your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that instantly extinguish any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {